Photo of the Week - Parriott Mesa

Castle Valley, near Moab, Utah

It was a bittersweet trip to the southeast corner of Utah last month. Mr. Jim and I first saw this countryside on a bus tour eight years ago. We planned to go back two years ago. It was one of several planned trips that we had to cancel.

Fast forward to 2016. Just a few short weeks ago, I stood beneath the grand mesas across from the Sorrel River Ranch, where Jim and I stayed in a luxurious cabin along the Colorado River. It seems like a lifetime ago that we were here. I revisited the area with an assemblage of other photographers. I am now alone, but travel in the company of others.

It was beautiful. And it was sad. I can record the scene more properly this year with my current photographic skills. But I no longer have the companionship of my best friend in the whole world and the love of my life.

My solo life goes onward…

Photo of the Week - Rustic Christmas Wreath

Biltmore Estate, Asheville, North Carolina

Thank you to all of you who have sent me comforting notes and seasonal greetings. I dearly appreciate your friendship, prayers, and good wishes. It is a difficult time for me. The first anniversary of Jim’s death is the day after Christmas, and I will be visiting his gravesite (with Angel in tow). The Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays are not the joyful events of yesteryear. They will always remind me of lost love and devotion, and emphasize my current life of solitude.

Photo of the Week - Fall Canopy Over the Little River

Tremont area, Great Smoky Mountains National Park, Tennessee

It is quite difficult to place oneself in front of a scene like the one shown in this photo and not feel a profound sense of gratitude for all of the earthly beauty that God has created.

Tomorrow is the first Thanksgiving without my sweet Mr. Jim. And the day will also mark 11 months since his death. My life has changed drastically since that time. Courage has been my watchword. I have persevered and given thanks for blessings, grace, and prayers.

May you count your blessings and find comfort in their abundance too.

Photo of the Week - Mountain Cloud

Grand Teton National Park, Wyoming

The Teton range is famous for its dramatic rise from the landscape, without being obscured by foothills. The Grand Teton peak crests at 13,770 feet, and twelve other peaks exceed 12,000 feet. The range rises up between 5000 and 7000 feet above the valley floor.

With all of those numbers in mind, you now have a bit of an idea of the size of the cloud hovering above the mountains. It was BIG!

I hope that Mr. Jim is enjoying the view from his lofty residence these days, up among the majestic clouds. He should be content with how well I am doing in building a new life without him. Jim died eight months ago today. The pain has not gotten any less. I’m merely learning how to live with it.

Skidding into the Year's Second Half

Fallen Rock Park, Brazil, Indiana

Yes, I’m still puttering around. I’m just not spending much time puttering around on blogs. Building a new life continues to take priority.

I went to Indiana for a few days and got back last Sunday. I stayed with my sweet sister-in-law (separated from my oldest brother), and we had a wonderful time. We talked a lot. We laughed a lot. And once we laughed so hard that we were in tears. We had fun! She has been very supportive during my troubling times. I just wished she lived closer. We could get into so much trouble together! I briefly met up with three of my brothers during the visit too. They were reserved but cordial. My family never has gotten the knack about how to be affectionate and compassionate, but that is a whole other story.

Living in an Alternate Universe

The calendar shows that it is January 2015.  There was no “happy” celebration of the new year.  I turned the page and said to myself, “Yep, there you are.  Like it or lump it.”  (I do a lot of talking to myself now and expect that practice will continue.)

I’ve been living in an alternate universe for quite a while.  I have long since forgotten what it is like to have a normal life.  I occupied cancer world for over a year and a half.  It was a marathon.  Now I am trapped in the obstacle maze of widowhood, finding my way in a new, solitary life.

How am I doing?  About as well as expected.  Quite simply, it sucks. If you are a widow, you understand. If you are not, you don’t understand.

A Final Journey and Farewell

St. Jude Children's Hospital Donor Appreciation Luncheon

Knoxville, TN

November 13, 2014

My dear, sweet Jim (aka, Mr. Jim) fought the good fight. And I stood by him every step of the way on his final journey. He earned his angel wings on the morning of December 26, 2014, and he was laid to rest this afternoon. The world lost a truly wonderful man. However, God decided it was time to call him home.

I am relieved that Jim's suffering is now over, but deeply saddened that he is no longer part of my everyday life here on earth. My heart is broken into a million pieces. Now I will begin to figure out how to find my own way, until I get to be with him again.

His obituary is published on two web sites: Knoxville News-Sentinel and Woodhaven Memorial Gardens.

In the days and weeks ahead, I will share some of what transpired in the past five weeks. As always, I am most grateful for my blogging buddies and all of the prayers you have offered on our behalf.

Closing Down for the Season

With much sorrow, I am closing down my blog for the season. I don’t know when I will be back. The photo challenge will go on as scheduled for the weekend of December 13. I will not participate. Future challenges will be postponed.

Mr. Jim’s health has deteriorated, and he was hospitalized for a few days last week. He is now back home. I am devoted to him and his needs. I love him with all my heart and soul. He has been my rock, my best friend, my world. We have shared so many joys and journeys together. We have been blessed. We are grateful.

Please keep us in your prayers. Pray that Mr. Jim receives comfort and measures to combat his pain. Pray that we can both weather this terrible storm with dignity. Pray that we feel loved and that our lives matter.  Pray for us to receive God's grace.

Thank you, my dear friends.

Photo of the Week - Rice Grist Mill

Norris Dam State Park, Anderson County, Tennessee

We visited this picturesque grist mill in early October. It is located about 35 miles north from our home, near the towns of Norris and Rocky Top. The mill was originally constructed in 1798 in Union County. It was dismantled and rebuilt on Clear Creek, southeast of Norris Dam. The charming old building serves as a landmark in the Norris Dam State Park.

Mr. Jim reports that he used to visit this mill with his parents when he was a little redheaded lad. He thoroughly enjoyed wading in Clear Creek, right next to the mill, searching and catching crawdads that lurked under the stones. Ah, sweet memories!

Photo of the Week - Fall Colors on the Hillside

Cherohala Skyway, Cherokee National Forest, Tennessee

Update on Mr. Jim: After consultation with his oncologist yesterday, Mr. Jim opted to resume chemotherapy. However, it will begin after our planned Thanksgiving journey to Asheville. The treatment will be a different combination of drugs. Adverse side effects are not expected to be as harsh as the regimen he was on earlier this year.

November - A Look Ahead

We were kept busy last month, it seems, in between activities around our cottage and medical appointments. We had the opportunity to make a few jaunts to see local sights and enjoy the fall season. We were grateful for those breaks.

As reported earlier, Mr. Jim had a paracentesis procedure to relieve fluid in his abdominal cavity. He is meeting with his oncologist tomorrow to decide where to go from here with further treatments. His pain levels have ramped up the past few weeks, but he has been eating well since the drainage.

We don’t make too many plans around here anymore. We keep our schedule adaptable. However, we decided to throw caution to the wind and make Thanksgiving reservations for the Biltmore Inn in Asheville. We would appreciate your prayers that we will be able to go and not have to cancel. Mr. Jim is even considering the postponement of any chemotherapy until after that week so that he can enjoy the trip better. 

Photo of the Week - Vines Below the Cabin

Museum of Appalachia, Clinton Tennessee

This humble composition reminds me that there is much beauty that can be found in small details. Simple. Often overlooked. But present in the here and now, nonetheless.

I deeply appreciate all of you who have provided comfort and prayers during this season of our lives. Those dear friends who take the time to converse with me and/or leave sweet comments demonstrate true grace in action. God bless you!

Here is an update about Mr. Jim. His oncologist has been out of the office, so he saw another physician in the group yesterday. The cancer antigen blood test result has increased since the last visit. However, there are no further metastasized areas per the latest CAT scan. (Ah, a silver lining.) Mr. Jim had a paracentesis procedure this afternoon and is feeling better. A radiology team removed 4.2 liters of fluid (a little over 10 pounds) from his abdomen. More fluid will be drained in a couple of weeks. He will meet with his oncologist next Tuesday and discuss whether chemotherapy will resume, and if so, what regimen.

Please continue to keep him in your prayers. Thank you!

Free Photography e-Book (& More)

I follow the delightful blog of professional photographer Bill Fortney. He recently decided to capture his knowledge from a long photography career and develop a series of e-books. Bill’s online store is now open! Through the end of November, he is offering a free download of “The 7 Steps to Taking It to the Next Level.” The details about his new venture and free e-book can be found HERE.

Now I’m going to completely change topics. I would greatly appreciate it if you kept my sweet Mr. Jim in your prayers. His malignant ascites condition has been getting progressively worse for the past couple of weeks. So he moved up the CAT scan schedule and follow-up visit with his oncologist. The scan was last Thursday, and his doctor’s visit is tomorrow morning. I plan to provide you an update later on this week.

October - A Look Ahead

September came and went, and we have little to show for it. We continue to adapt to what life throws at us. The weather has turned a bit cooler, much to our delight. It’s perfect for porch sitting and a few strolls around the villa road circle. A tiny hint of leaf color is starting to appear, but peak fall colors aren’t expected for another couple of weeks. October has always been one of my all-time favorite months.

Mr. Jim’s chemo break continued last month, but he spent some nights in the hospital for another blood infection. We managed to pull off a day trip adventure and kept scrapping plans to go over to Cades Cove for another day trip. That jaunt is now scheduled for next week. We’ve talked about going to Kentucky for a few days this month, but we haven’t made any reservations so far. We’ll see…

Photo of the Week - Pumpkin Wagon

Museum of Appalachia, Clinton, Tennessee

We were able to visit the Museum of Appalachia last week. It is located about 30 miles away from our home. We last visited it during the spring of 2013 with some out-of-town friends, but I left the camera at home during that jaunt. We had a lovely time and wore ourselves out in a few hours, and then we had a delightful country-style lunch on the premises. I will feature more information and photos of this regional treasure later on, after life settles down into some semblance of normalcy again.

Earlier this week, we had planned to visit the Cades Cove area of the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. Those plans got flung out with the garbage. Mr. Jim became ill on Sunday morning, and I rushed him to the hospital. He was released earlier today. He came down with another case of sepsis, and his health was in quite a pickle on Monday because of an extremely high fever. Mr. Jim is now chock-full of antibiotics. And, he will continue that trend by taking oral medication for the next week. There will be follow-up visits with his internist and oncologist to monitor his condition.

Perhaps we will be able to venture over to Cades Cove next week or the week after. We’ll cross our fingers…

It's Time for More Prayers!

We hosted a dinner party last week for some neighbor friends. Instead of a big flower arrangement for our dining room table, I decided to feature a miniature bouquet at each place setting. Amber medicine bottles served as the vases. Vinca blossoms and fresh rosemary sprigs provided jaunty color. The mini-decorations were a hit!

Please keep us in your prayers this week. Mr. Jim will get an updated CAT scan this afternoon. Then we will meet with his oncologist on Wednesday to find out the results and decide on where we go from here.

On Tuesday, I will have a biopsy near my right eye. I’ve seen a total of six doctors for an ocular swelling condition, and I decided to allow the last doctor to perform the surgery. We assume that it is a benign inflammatory condition, but it is best to rule out possible underlying diseases. She will also take a little tuck on my eyelid to correct droopiness that has occurred in the past few months. Realignment of my right eye will have to wait for another time and another specialist.

We appreciate your warm thoughts, prayers, and friendship! I will provide an update later on this week, as time allows.

August 2014 - A Look Ahead

July zipped right by and now we have one more hot summer month to go! We kicked it into low gear during July, and we will continue our “staycation” activities during August too. Even though I had hernia surgery last month, it was quite a nice break from our previous abundance of medical appointments. We will continue to spend a lot of time on our cottage’s porches, parking our butts in rockers on the front porch and gliders on the back. Cold refreshments and Kindles will be common companions, but many times we will simply look out at the world and converse about whatever subjects pop into our wee noggins. We will continue to enjoy jaunts to local restaurants, a real treat after our long absence during Mr. Jim’s chemo treatments.

Anniversary Celebration!

To Mr. Jim:

We’ve been through thick and thin, enduring some tough times lately.

But we have rejoiced during many incredibly fun times.

I couldn’t have picked a better person to share the past 33 years.

In the journey of life, you have been the ultimate adventure.

You are my love, my best friend, my everything.

Forever!

Wyoming Trip Cancelled

We’re in the process of canceling reservations for our planned trip in late September to the Grand Teton and Yellowstone National Parks. As in the case of the Newfoundland trip (where we were supposed to be touring right now), it just wasn’t meant to be. Having our hearts set on doing some landscape and wildlife photography during the spectacular fall season, we’re understandably disappointed and upset. But, that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

We don’t know what will be happening in September (chemotherapy or not), and whether Mr. Jim would be able to travel. However, we aren't comfortable in risking the loss of a substantial amount of money if we wait too long to cancel. The national park lodges, in particular, are very ruthless in their cancellation policies.

We’ll explore the possibility of an automobile trip later on this year.

A Personal Photo Challenge - Portraits

It’s time for A Personal Photo Challenge! “Portraits” is the theme this month.

If you have been following my blog for any length of time, you have long since figured out that portrait photography is not my thing. Absolutely, positively. I’d rather have a root canal. I don’t like to be photographed, and I automatically apply those feelings to others. And since we don’t have children or grandchildren, there are not a lot of willing victims subjects for portraits. Give me a landscape, critter, or building, and I am in photo heaven. People are those pesky creatures that I yell at to move out of my frame or later clone out in the digital darkroom.