March 24, 2015

From Bad to Worse


My fears were not misplaced. I have a stress fracture in my right foot. Undoubtedly, the condition is the direct result of countless hours on my feet, providing caregiving service during Jim’s final months. It’s time to pay another price for the cancer that took his life.

I’ve been ordered stay off my feet as much as possible and wear an orthotic boot for many weeks until the bone heals. And I’m told that I cannot use anti-inflammatory arthritis medicine for the duration. The boot is huge and looks like galactic war apparel for a 7-foot storm trooper. And due to its design, I am having difficulty walking with it strapped on. Forget about driving with it. I am only capable of safely driving with a regular shoe on, so driving will have to be restricted. I plan to use a walker to help get around the house.

Visits to the new church will be postponed. I already called the church office and told them that my official membership swearing in process will have to wait for a couple of months. Forget about the long drives to grief support meetings. Get together with new widow friends I’ve been making? Nope. I’ll try to get by with less frequent trips to the grocery store. (A local pizza delivery place may need to be assigned a speed dial number.) The car needs some maintenance, but that will have to wait until later. Newly seeded areas in the lawn, due to the late irrigation system installation last year, will no longer be hand-watered. It's too early in the season to turn on the system to make the job easy. If I have a multitude of dead patches in the lawn this summer, I don’t give a rip anymore. There are a string of things now being crossed off of my busy to-do list because I simply can’t do them.

How will I manage taking Angel out for her constitutional walks multiple times a day and safely navigate down two steps off the front porch? Beats me. I just tried it a little while ago and the steps were pretty difficult. I wobbled. Angel will just have to be more patient and use potty pads if I can’t rush fast enough to her liking. Clearly, getting a dog was a stupid idea because I’m going to have a difficult enough job taking care of myself in my isolated life.

I was going to plant some annual flowers along the front walkway in late April. Not anymore. (Good thing I moved a bunch of liriope clumps last weekend, shoveling with my hurt foot.) I have a dependable housekeeper who comes to clean every two weeks, and that will have to suffice for cleaning activities. Lawn mowing service is provided because I dutifully pay my subdivision’s villa dues. Any household maintenance will have to slide. If emergencies come up, I’ll hire the work done.

As demonstrated through Jim’s extended illness, I have a very skimpy support network. People I know just go about their own lives. Whatever. I’m not going to beg. I must soldier onward. Please pray that I don’t teeter and fall, hurting something else in the process.

The April photo workshop trip to the Smokies (3 weeks away) now seems like it is a laughable idea. The doctor will check me out in two weeks and then proclaim whether I can go on the trip or not. I told her that I would not wear an orthotic boot while walking over rough terrain, since I can barely walk on a plain, flat floor. The Wyoming trip is in serious jeopardy, but I informed the doctor that I WILL go on that trip no matter what. I had to cancel two trips to Wyoming due to Jim’s cancer, and I am not going to cancel again. End of story.

The bone that is fractured is notorious for slow and difficult healing. If boot mobilization doesn’t work, then I will be ordered to use crutches and keep all weight off of my foot for several months. Surgery is also a possibility later on. I will simply have to face whatever comes down the road for me. This won’t be the last time that I will have to fend for myself with an aging body that is uncooperative.

If you have people in your life who love you and are there to take care of you, please count your blessings, my friends. You are rich beyond your wildest dreams.

29 comments:

  1. i HATE this! you were just making steps (no pun intended) at getting a few new connections in your life and now you're restricted from getting around, and worse, it might be more precarious just at your own place. donna, i wish i lived nearby. i'd at least do your grocery shopping for you and take angel for a good walk now and then! (she is going to have to learn to go down the steps and do her business on one of those retractable leashes so you can stand on the porch!)

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  2. What an interruption! There's something good coming from this...not sure what, but something. I take your closing comment to heart, Donna. I truly do. Sending love...

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  3. This is the LAST thing you need. I'm so very sorry, Donna. My heart aches for you. Praying for healing for body and soul.

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  4. Oh Donna, I am so sorry t hear your latest news. My heart also aches for you and I wish I could help you out. Thoughts and prayers are being sent your way.
    Take care
    Mary

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  5. I am so sorry, Donna. I wish I could help you with something tangible. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am in north Alabama and we are in Nashville very often. That is somewhat close to East Tennessee. While I realize that is still quite a distance and I am a complete stranger, just know that things are possible and I am willing, knowing that I will likely be in your position one day. You must be a strong woman to have endured so far. Angel will be comfort to you and you will work out how to help one another.

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  6. Oh I'm so sorry to hear all this, wish I was closer. I'll pray you don't toddle over, and that things heal well enough for you to go on your trip, and if you use a walker it might relieve some of the pressure, aiding in healing. Sending you my positive thoughts.

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  7. I was sorry to read of your new 'trouble' Donna as I had been thinking of you today and wondering how you are doing. What a shame you have that stress fracture. I guess listening to the doctor for the next while will be best so that this bone can heal. I will definitely be praying that it will heal without surgery or crutches and that you will get to Wyoming later on. Do take care. Sending prayers to you. Hugs. Pam

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  8. Isn't this just perfect? This is always the way it goes. The first few months after Fred died, I thought, "this is either a test, or Karma is getting me for something bad I did." 3 months in, had to have hip replacement and then in rehab center because no one at home to care for me. 5 months in, roof started leaking and had to have a new one. 8 months in, furnace fire box got holes and leaking carbon monoxide, so had to get new furnace. All while having the Widow Brain Fog and not quite knowing which way to go. I spent a lot of hours crying and railing--not at Fred, but maybe the whole dang world? The first year is bad enough without all the other stuff happening. I'm sorry you are going through ALL OF THIS. Try to stay off your foot as much as possible, elevate it, What can you take for pain? Anything? Every OTC pain med is an anti-inflammatory as far as I know. It WILL get better--I promise!!!

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  9. Oh my goodness, Donna...more and more challenges. I am so sorry. Indeed, I am counting my blessings, but I also pray that the Lord sends people into your life to share the load with you.

    I don't think that you were at all stupid to bring Angel into your life. She will be patient and she will love you all the while.

    Hugs...(I wish they could be in person...) and prayers continue...

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  10. Oh no! You sure didn't need this! I only hope it will heal quickly! xoxo

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  11. .....I am just almost too stumped for words!!
    PLEASE don't give up...I just know there's an answer for you in all of this! You probably need to calm ME down from the lack of caring people in you life girlie....I will never understand the people who once call us "friend", skip out on us when we need them the most.
    Angel came into your life for a reason...she Stays!Hahaa.....just throw a roll of toilet paper at her!
    Call the church and ask if they can recommend a group or organization that does errands for people to help you with the shopping...they should be able to tell you of someone. It does NOT matter that you aren't a member yet!
    There are also some car repair places that will pick up your car, repair it then bring it back to you...call around.
    I feel useless.....
    Just know I have some heavy duty praying going on!!!
    I love you sweet friend!!!
    ((((HUG))))

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  12. I'm so sorry for this Donna! When it rains it pours! Hopefully you will heal fast and good things will start pouring your way. I truly wish I was closer to you! Hang in there my friend. Better days are coming even though it doesn't feel that way now.

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  13. I too am so very sorry to hear of your latest troubles and frustrations, and wish I was closer to help you out in some way. Like Donna above, I suggest you call the church and briefly explain your situation. I bet they have some kind and thoughtful souls who would be more than willing to help you out in whatever way they can - shopping, errands, visits, dogwalking, etc. Angel will still love you unconditionally despite your lack of mobility; she'll quickly learn to do her business on a long leash...
    Sending love and positive thoughts your way for speedy healing and better days ahead.

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    1. Church has been called, though I am not officially a member yet. I've specifically asked if someone could check on me regularly because I am afraid of falling & nobody noticing for days. Will see if I get any assistance.

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  14. Oh Donna, I am so very sorry this happened. I'm in agreement with others who commented before me. Ask for help and keep Angel...you'll miss her. God must have wanted you to slow down for some reason. Surely something good will come out of this mess. Listen to the Doc and hopefully you'll have an oddity fracture and it will heal quick! I'm thankful you have the funds to hire the maid and the yard work. Any grocery stores that you can order online and just drive up and pick them up? I have you in my prayers, hon and think of you every day...

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    1. No grocery delivery service here. Will minimize trips, not drive with the boot on, then put boot on & do the best I can. I regret getting Angel because she has made things much more complicated now and she doesn't understand why we can't go on long walks. But I will keep her & try to manage.

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  15. Oh Donna, I'm really sorry to hear this. You had enough on your plate already. I really wish I lived close enough that I could drop in on you and help you out. I wouldn't say that getting Angel was a stupid idea though because she's brought you some comfort and provided you with companionship. Maybe the local high school has someone who would be interested in helping out with dog walking. If not the school maybe the church. Hang in there. I'm praying for you

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    1. I will have to look in to dog walking services. 2 neighbors walked by today while I was taking her out to the front yard. They each said they were sorry, and then continued on their merry way. Neither one offered to walk Angel. Like I said, I'm not going to beg.

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  16. I pray that there will be people arriving to check on you from the church - and if you could find a kindly person with dogs of their own to help give Angel some exercise that would be great.
    So terribly sorry that this situation with your foot has occurred Donna, you so DON'T need this.
    Hoping your recuperation goes quickly and you find yourself in much better shape soon.

    Hugs - Mary

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  17. Oh No Donna!...wHAT A BLOW! heavy duty prayers are being firmly put in place here...But also lack of support is'nt just as you age,I had next to none with my last baby and his premmie birth...My blog friends were all that kept me eveny keeled,My Hubby helped but also had to give up work to do so then along came more worries with limited funds...I just know you'll do the best you can and with Angel there she will give you something to smile about,Yes more comlicated with her but good comapany I would think.?...All the best my friend

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  18. Oh, Donna. I don't know why I'm just seeing this. :(

    I'm going to send you an email.
    xoxoxo

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  19. I am just so sorry to hear this latest news, Donna...I do agree with what Vee said though...somewhere among these circumstances a blessing lies, I just know it. I am praying that you soon find out what that is. Don't give up now...His strength is perfect when our strength is gone. God bless you.

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  20. Well this is certainly horrid news, Donna. I'm sorry there's one more thing in a long list of things that are making life difficult. Those stress fractures are miserable and take a long time to heal to the point where you feel comfortable walking again. I am praying that God sends new friends into your life, friends who will be close by, understanding, and helpful.

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  21. Oh boy oh boy, I am so sorry.....When my hubby left ( certainly not the same as dying, but devastating and lonely all the same) the same thing happened, house hit by lightening, kidney stones, Fractured ankle....As I look back over many years I see I have had other crummy streaks in life, but they did not affect me the same as they did when I was devastated, grieving and alone. It seems in my time of grief that even a burned out light bulb was too much and brought me to tears. I guess the point of my rambling is that life is not out to beat you up, but it sure could give you a break......Just DON'T LET IT BREAK YOU! Does that make sense? As I am sure you have...Get mad, really mad, I found getting mad was much more empowering. Now, it would not be begging if one of your neighbors is walking their dog and telling you how sorry they are to say "Thanks, .....hey, if you know of any neighbor kids that would like to make a couple bucks walking my Angel, let me know" that ought to do it, either they will walk her or know of someone that will. Donna, people do want to help, they just are not sharp enough to know you need help, or how to help. Now here is my other thought, when I broke my ankle, I did not use crutches I used a kind of walker thingy where I put my knee on it and rolled it around with my other foot with my hands on the handles of the walker. I wonder if you used it in the house now and kept off your foot as much as possible, if your foot would heal faster than with the boot alone? Just a thought. Man, I wish all of us bloggers lived in your town, we would take such good care of you and all of your needs........Heck you would probably be turning off the lights and closing the drapes to keep us from bugging you and Angel would be looking at you saying "No Mom....Not another walk!" Donna, we are all here for you 24/7 with hugs, prayers, and in my case...Maybe rotten advise. Know we care and feel privileged that you are allowing us to walk this very difficult path with you.

    Hugs Carol

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  22. Sheesh!! You make having a stomach virus sound like a walk in the park. That's it, you're moving down here with me. I'm cleaning out the office. *smile* Put a for sale sign up. I hate that there is noone around who is willing to help you.
    Helpless here in Florida,
    Kim

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  23. Praying for this new challenge in your life. I don't like that you are so alone, either. I don't suppose you live in Pennsylvania? I'd be happy to help you out.

    Deanna

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  24. So sorry Donna!! I need to ask for your address again. I have been remiss in sending you a gift nd I need to remedy that. Prayers and hugs!

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  25. I didn't realize you were back blogging...I sure am sorry for your foot...good grief..seems when it rains, it pours. Praying healing will be faster than you or the doctors think.
    For the doggie...a retractable leash seems like a good answer..do you have a groc. store that delivers??..and do your church lady friends divide up and make meals for you ? Get in touch with your preacher and tell him things you need...he can then visit with others and maybe come up with meal plans, housework, errands....
    Sure wish I lived close....
    Take care, dear heart, and I'm sure there's more people out there that would be more than willing to help you until you get back on your feet.
    Love and hugs to you...

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  26. Donna, horrible news and I'm glad you were able to figure out and get help. Like I said, you're more than welcome to come here...I'll come get you and Angel and you can stay and help hold down the porch.
    I think Angel was one of the best ideas you've had...she's a LOT of company and yes, you need to stay off your foot but you also need to "get outside yourself" as well. Angel NEEDED you and much as you NEEDED here.
    My support system while Dave was alive was good...hospice care, etc. but since his death...doesn't exist. Friends for decades have dropped me, IF the neighbors call, it's because they want "that old truck, pasture, tractor..." etc. I'm still trying to sell the farm and that's not happening either. I know how you feel...has God forgotten us?
    No, but He's sure making it easier for me to rely, totally, upon him!
    You're still in my prayers. Stay strong and, as many times as it takes, throw it up to Him...one more time. <><

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Marty, here! Donna loves comments, and I faithfully pass them on to her. Thank you so much for visiting!