August 11, 2015

Trying to Shine in a Dark World




Antique Archaeology, Nashville, Tennessee

I continue to struggle in my solitary, dark world. Some days I do well. Other days I sink. As an introvert, it takes a lot of bravery to venture out and do things like traveling and attending photography workshops and tours. And once I get to my destinations, I feel out of place and have difficulty connecting with others. There is not much common ground except for photography.

By the second day at the recent Nashville trip, I was wondering in my hotel room at night why in the world I was there. There were a few moments of grace later on that provided the answer, including special counsel by Ricky Skaggs, a man who truly walks in the light. Since I feel pretty much shunned in my everyday life now, I am surprised when somebody actually notices and acknowledges my presence.

Living in the shadows, I rarely see evidence that my light is shining. I am trying to get out, trying to connect with others and make new friends. I’ve given up on many who knew me as one part of a couple. In today’s society, it seems that half of a couple pretty much equals zero. Out of sight and out of mind.

I plan to have eye surgery later on this month. As I have mentioned before, my right eye has turned inward ever since I experienced all of the swelling difficulties last year. As a result, I see double. It is hard to negotiate everyday tasks on my own with wonky vision (like driving), and so I feel compelled to undergo the risk to medically fix the condition. That eye had muscle surgery several decades ago, and it can’t be reworked again. So the surgeon will be operating on my left eye to achieve binocular vision. Please keep me in your prayers. Pray that the procedure works!

Until a few days ago, it looked like I was going to have to hire a stranger from a home health care service to accompany me to and from the hospital. But a local friend volunteered to be with me, and she is taking off a day of work. I am so grateful for her profound kindness. The surgeon says that I should be fine at home by myself afterwards, but I will ask some neighbors to call and check in on me. The family across the street will be taking care of Angel for the day, and I’ll be reunited with her later on that evening. I should heal up in a couple of weeks and able to resume normal activities within a day or two.

A photographer needs her vision, doesn’t she? And, perhaps I can more safely try to find a place in the world where my light can shine again.

23 comments:

  1. Praying the surgery goes well and your vision is totally restored! And are you talking about another Ricky Skaggs or "the" Ricky Skaggs? Just curious :) God bless you, friend!

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    1. Thank you. And yes, Mr. Skaggs took part in the workshop.

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  2. You shine so much light and spread so much joy with your beautiful photographs I wish I could reflect it back onto you! I am so sorry you are going through this right now, Donna and only can hope that you are able to find peace and contentment soon.

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    1. Thank you, sweetie. I am honored that you think so. I am filled with doubts that I am doing any good at all.

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  3. From what I read, Mr. Skaggs is a delightful entertainer and good man who has been married to his wife for 33 years - unusual in the entertainment world and very heart warming. He will be receiving another big music award in Sept. How lovely he befriended you dear Donna - and with you both being photographers I just know your conversation was wonderful.

    Good luck with the upcoming surgery my dear - I know you will be a great patient, and hope your doctor will do a stellar job to bring back better vision to you. So glad to know you have a friend who will help you that day, and Jim will be looking out for you I'm certain, I hope you feel his love.

    Hang in there - better days and beautiful photos are ahead.
    Hugs - Mary

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  4. Best of luck with your upcoming surgery. I'll be thinking of you and sending lots of prayers

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  5. I will be saying prayers for you that your eye surgery goes well. People are funny and you quickly see who your friends are. I found that out when I broke my hip at age 53. I hope things improve for you--such a difficult time in your life. Sending warm thoughts and hugs from the east coast of Canada.

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  6. I'm sorry you need the surgery, but happy to know someone (not a stranger) will be with you. Prayers that it works out and you'll once again have good vision.

    You don't even realize how your light shines for us, Donna. Every time I see that you've posted, I feel elated, truly. As I've said before, I have no idea what you're going through as I've never been where you have, but also, I believe you're stronger than you think!

    That's another beautiful photo!
    Love, hugs and prayers
    xoxo

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  7. I'm glad you've been able to travel some and take part in this particular workshop. It sounds like it did you a world of good. And I'll keep you in my prayers as always. Sweet hugs, Diane

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  8. You are always in my prayers.

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  9. Praying for your eye surgery Donna, and for you as your navigate this hard road after loss.

    Deanna

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  10. It is so difficult to go through surgery when no one is home to help out. I went to rehab for a week, because I was afraid to be alone and might fall or something. Be careful about bending over after the eye surgery!!! The solitary life is no fun, but it WILL get easier--maybe by the 3rd year. I'm doing well now at the 3.5 year mark and have found that I don't have to chase a social life--which I never liked to begin with. HAH

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  11. Yes, praying that all goes very well. How good that your friend will be with you. She sounds like a dear heart.

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  12. I have you in my prayers daily and I look forward to your posting! Sorry you have to have the surgery but glad you have help during it. That is a blessing. I admire that you are getting out and trying to get involved and having panic disorder like I do, understand how it feels to force yourself out. Keep up the good work Donna. You've come further than you know. ((Hugs))

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  13. You will be in my prayers. Everything will be alright!
    Hugs!

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  14. Donna, I am praying for your eye surgery and for your loneliness. God bless you.

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  15. I'm catching up again after my computer was in the shop for repair. Your photo intrigues me! It's wonderful. I SO wish I lived close to you. I will be praying for your surgery and that it makes a difference. I continue to pray for you as you walk this new road. Your words about couples reminded me of what my dear, little mother experienced when my dad was gone. I'm so sorry you have to experience it, too.
    ~Adrienne~

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  16. I think of you every day, and wish you well. I'll send some special thoughts and prayers your way for your eye surgery. I've had vision issues for years, so I know what it's like. And your light is shining; every time I see your name on a post I look forward to it, and usually open it first to see your photos. Days are often tough here, but I continue to try and move forward.

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  17. I'll certainly add your surgery to my prayers for you. How kind of your friend to take the time to be with you. I'm glad that there are those who are stepping up to help you. There's a verse in Isaiah that I love - "A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out." (42:3) I often feel like a smoldering wick, not burning brightly at all, yet I read this verse and am confident that God knows my feelings and continues to love me always, as he does for you, dear Donna.

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  18. Yes, I've been missing in action...trying to train for Crystal's position while we hunt for a replacement for her...grrrrr....
    SO glad people are beginning to wake up around there!
    SO glad you won't be alone for the surgery...LOVE the light shot!!
    hughugs

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  19. Sorry I've been so absent. Still have to limit my computer time because of my eyes. I'm fortunate that they still seem to recover after rest, but I understand how frustrating it is to have vision troubles, and I hope your surgery goes well. I was able to read a few of your earlier blog posts and feel such empathy for what you have been through. I'll be praying for you!

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  20. Prayers sweet lady, I hope all is well.

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  21. Dear dear Donna, do not give up! There are many of us here in blogland who love you and your wonderful photography and we are praying for you - for a successful surgery and for your life to be less lonely. Keep plodding along, keep going to workshops and taking any photography opportunities.. things WILL get better. It takes time... Hugs XO

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Marty, here! Donna loves comments, and I faithfully pass them on to her. Thank you so much for visiting!